That's not entirely true. My children L-O-V-E to go visit the dentist, but that's because they get to wear sunglasses, watch movies on the ceiling, get a goody bag with dinosaur-flossers and a new toothbrush, and they leave with a balloon shaped into anything they fancy.
Pediatric dentistry has come a long way, baby.
But you see, my children have never had any serious dental work done. Bethany did get a tooth pulled once, but it was fairly non-traumatic and it did involve a very exciting little plastic treasure box which made it all worth it. Nope-- no cavities, no pre-orthodontic work. They have my Ginormous mouth with plenty of room for all their teethies and Abe's Enamel of Steel so they have no tooth decay. They don't know what it's really like.
I do not love the dentist.
For many years Abe and I have gone to a dentist about 20 minutes away from our house-- not conveniently located. We called him "Dr. Jacko" (not his real name) because he enjoyed scraping our teeth and gums way too much. It was horrific and it took days to recover from a routine cleaning. But I was cavity free for visit upon visit. I couldn't take it anymore (plus we didn't have dental insurance for a little while) and we stopped going to see Dr. Jacko.
Two years later:
Shoot. I guess it's time to go to the dentist again. I found one closer to home and made an appointment.
"WHAT??? I have SIX cavities??? NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Today I had my last two filled. As as laid in my chair with that celestial fluorescent light shining down on me I thought about all the things I loathe about going to the dentist. Allow me to share.
1. Why do all the dental hygienists try to talk pop culture with me? Do I look like I care about Patrick Swayze? About how cute some Hollywood couple's baby is? Or how great the Transformers movies were? Not to mention I have a huge chunk of plastic called a bite block in my mouth-- so how would I even answer back. Sometimes silence is the best choice.
2. Novocaine. I am grateful for modern medicine and it is totally worth a shot in your gums to avoid the pain of the dentists drill. BUT. For whatever reason I am partially immune to the effects of Novocaine. When I went in two weeks ago for the first rounds of fillings on the top and bottom of the left side it took 5 shots. Today it took 3 shots just for the bottom to numb me up. The drilling would start after the first shot and then be put on hold for another shot to take effect. Oh, and similar to when I've had epidurals, but to a lesser extent, I could feel my blood pressure dramatically drop after the shots. I thought I was going to pass out and wondered if I should yell for the hygienist. The dentist said it wasn't common but it could happen. Well, it did.
3. I have no idea what my dentist actually looks like. Whenever I see him he is wearing a mask and leaning 10 inches from my face, but it's WAY too awkward to actually look at his eyes. I couldn't even tell you what color his eyes are. Wouldn't it be funny to try to keep eye contact the whole time. What would he say?
But no, I try to find a smudge on the fluorescent light to focus on and try to think about all the reasons I hate the dentist.
4. In addition to passing out new toothbrushes, I think they should give out complimentary lip balm. Go ahead and put an advertising label on it with your phone number. But my lips always get super chapped at the dentist from being held open by the bite block and from the nasty polishing stuff they use.
5. The injustice of it all.
I brush my teeth RELIGIOUSLY! Abe-- well, I won't go into details, but when we got married I had to give him some pointers about the regularity with which one should brush one's teeth.
Yeah-- he's never had a cavity. Tell me how that is fair???
Please learn from my pain. Go for a cleaning every six months. Even if your dentist is like Dr. Jacko.
But the question of the day is: Do you know what color eyes your dentist has?
5 comments:
I totally can sympathize! Hope your mouth gets feeling better soon!
I agree with everything you have said. I myself am creaping up on that 2 year mark and I need to get there. I hate moving, because a good dentist is last on my list.
This is funny, because today is the first time in my life I LOVED the dentist! I had my wisdom teeth out last week and they have been KILLING so I went to the dentist and he told me I had dry sockets and stuffed these wonderful clove flavored numbing pads down into them. I have been in heaven all day! I am sorry you are in pain. For some reason it seems mouth pain is the worst. My mom tells us every time she has a canker sores to write "She hated canker sores" on her tombstone.
Brown
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