It is a great comfort that each of the three girls have found the person who loves them and they love most in the world. They are building lives together and are good to one another.
Okay, now here is my hot take on weddings-- it seems it's rather controversial these days.
Over the past several months, I've heard a lot of people say that they have encouraged their engaged children to take the money the parents would have spent, and just skip the reception and wedding hullabaloo. I can understand this perspective-- especially in light of having just pulled off said "reception and wedding hullabaloo". Indeed, it was a tremendous amount of work, time, money, energy, thought, and stress.
However, having just pulled off my third wedding as mother-of-the-bride in just over two years, I still think it is TOTALLY worth the effort. Here's why I think the wedding traditions matter.
We all have people in our lives who care about us and support us. We usually interact with them one, or maybe a few, at a time. But at a wedding reception, hopefully, you see them come out en masse. Lots of 'your people in this world' come out with joyous smiles and well wishes. It is powerful and strengthening to see and feel that support. With their presence AND presents, guests are acknowledging the couple as a new unit in society. In essence, the personal handshakes and hugs exchanged throughout the reception are 'The Village' welcoming a new family into the village.
There is more happening here than what appears to be happening. Older couples coming to show the young couple what the future holds. Younger friends and family members are seeing the bride and groom and seeing what they can hope for. The families of the bride and groom come together to bid farewell to the 'individuals' and hello to the 'couple'.
Here is another way to think of it. Why do we have a parade for the 4th of July?
The police motorcycle brigade drives by and officers hi-five the kiddos. The mayor and city council ride on a flatbed trailer and throw candy and swag to the crowd. The big red fire engines blare and the giant search and rescue mobile command center trundles down the street. The local American Legion military veterans carry the flag and we all stand and put our hand over our heart. The marching band and sports teams represent the high school that the youngsters will attend in a few short years.
All of these entities exist whether they parade down the street or not. But in a parade, they are physically present, and we are there. Both sides are experiencing the sights, sounds, smells and emotions of each of them. Those first responders see and hear the citizens cheering and supporting them. I am comforted to see I live in a society in which there is law and order. I like seeing the help would come running, should my family encounter an emergency. The whole event is a reminder that I am part of something bigger than just me. Or just my family. Or just my church congregation. We all come together as a community and I see a lot of value in that.
I think a wedding reception is a similar phenomenon. We are embodied-- we experience the world physically-- not just theoretically or in our minds. A wedding reception provides a way for us to experience relationships in a tangible way-- seeing, touching, hearing.
Is it sometimes awkward to talk to people at a reception? Is is sometimes boring? Is it a hassle to find a venue, hire a photographer, print invites, gather addresses, plan the clothing, the food, the decorations, etc.? I think most people would say yes to all of the above.
But a young couple starting their lives together is strengthened and comforted and blessed to know and experience the army of people behind them. A few extra thousand dollars in the bank would be nice. But it would get spent-- most likely on the necessities of life-- nevertheless, it wouldn't be long before it was gone, with not much to show for it.
I would argue that the feelings of love and support experienced at a wedding reception have a lasting and meaningful impact on the couple. Showing them that they are a part of something bigger than themselves and blessing their marriage for many years to come.
