Advice

A dear cousin of mine commented on a recent post of mine. She has two little daughters and she hopes for a large family and even considers homeschooling. She was asking for my thoughts on how to make it all work, because life seems challenging with just what she's got going on now.

I've thought on this for a few days.

I couldn't think of anything to offer by way of advice or wisdom. Life was feeling pretty out of control for me and I wanted to scream, "Stop the train-- I want to get off!"
I felt seriously under-qualified to offer advice. My thoughts were not even worth a penny.

Last night at Clark's flag football picture time, (which was conveniently two hours before game time--grr), I met up with a lady in our ward who's son is also on the team. This amazing lady has nine children and homeschools. She always seems to have her priorities in order and doesn't seem frazzled. Her children are delightful, smart, well-behaved, polite, obedient, fun-loving, all around great kids. Her oldest two are home from missions. So she's not just starting out-- she is seeing results! They are the kind I hope and pray my children will be drawn to.

And there I was, feeling frazzled, to say the least. I cried out to her, "M., tell me how have you done it? ADVISE ME!! I need help! Were there times you thought you might not make it? What are some of your secrets?"

She graciously shared, comforted me and advised me. She assured me that even if it all implodes you will get up and put it back together. It's not going to get any easier, because babies are hard, but teenagers are just a different kind of hard. She is further along the road of motherhood than I am and I was so grateful for her perspective.

So from my position, being a little further down the road than my sweet cousin, I say this: With each added responsibility, be it another baby, homeschooling, callings, work, extra activities-- there is an adjustment period. It's really hard and sometimes ugly for a little while. But then your strength and capacity increases and you are suddenly able to smoothly handle what before seemed hard.
One of my mantras is FAITH NOT FEAR! When I do what I believe Heavenly Father would have me do, I have faith that he will make me what I need to be to do it.
This is not an effort to toot my own horn, but I can feel that I am becoming more like what I should be and WANT to be. But, it is really hard sometimes. Sometimes I'm not sure which way is up. I never knew I could work so hard and live so outside of myself. I feel that I am "losing myself", and yet I am finding real joy.
This is my roller coaster analogy for tough times-- and I think taking care of two little ones is tough. You just hold on as tight as you can and have faith that you will come back up from the plunge. Nobody stays down forever. Tough times will get easier and then you'll have new and different tough times. Life isn't suppose to be easy. So try to enjoy the tough times, thinking how much stronger you're getting.

I like to think about how WISE I'm going to be when I'm an old lady. Unfortunately, I'll be wise enough not to spout off about it like I am now. Sorry. But she really did ask!!

One more thing. Five children is harder in someways than two, but I enjoy it much more. I think that is because I know there is no way to get everything done just the way I'd like. Thus, I can relax a little and just do the best I can. With two, I felt like I should be able to "do everything" and so I was much tougher on myself. Also, it's nice to have some older kids around for company. What a tragedy to send them all to school just when they get interesting!

All right, all right, all right--enough already. Love you, R.