Sadness

I haven't felt much like writing on my blog this week.  I don't much feel like it right now, either, but I think it will be good for me.

I've been really down this week.  There is a family in our ward/neighborhood whose oldest son (23 years old) took his own life on Saturday.  I know his parents and his younger sisters, who are friends with my girls, but I never actually met this young man.  I don't know what the circumstances were which led him to make such a drastic and tragic decision.  My heart aches for his family who raised him and loved him and are now left to ask themselves painful questions with no answers to come.

What a leap of faith it is to have children.  I figure I will spend the majority of my adult life bearing and raising children.  It will be my life's work.  I will celebrate with them, pray for them, think about them, sacrifice for them, cry over them, work for them, work with them, love them, learn with them, and teach them.  Then they will grow up and make their own choices.  I hope I will be pleased with many of their choices and there is a better than good chance that I, and they, will regret others of their choices.  Besides their own choices that will have happy or sad consequences, there will most likely be sickness, heartache, and loss-- much of which may be brought on by other people.

The blessings of having family is so magnificent, but conversely, the risks of heartache and sorrow are so real as well.  When I was pregnant with baby number four, she was still born at 37 weeks.  It was a horrific time in our lives.  I was so sad.  It was a depth of sadness I hadn't known before.  A few months later I became pregnant with Faith.  The risk of another still born was exactly the same as it had been for Tessa.  I had to choose to risk the chance that I could endure another entire pregnancy and still have no baby at the end.  Was that a risk I was willing to take?

It was and I decided that if the only time I was going to have with the baby (Faith) was the time that I carried her inside of me, then I would never complain of the discomforts of pregnancy.  I would treasure the time that I had with her. It had to be worth it, even if the same thing happened again.  Of course, as it turned out, Faith was born a beautiful healthy baby and has proven to be an absolute angel in our home. But the risk was there.

The risk is always there.  Terrible things can and do happen.  And it is heartbreaking.  But we knew we were going to experience both sides of the coin here on earth-- the sadness and the glory.   It is a miraculous and beautiful thing that we can have the faith to continue on with the hope that there is still more goodness and happiness in spite of evidences of such sadness at times.  I am strengthened by my faith in Jesus Christ that if we follow him all things will work together for our good.  I don't doubt that, but the experiences and feelings we have are very real.  We need to feel them.   As a friend told me after we lost Tessa, "It is okay to feel sad when there is something to feel sad about."

The premature death of this young man has shaken me this week.  Obviously the healing road for his family will be long and sorrowful.  I will feel back to normal much sooner than they will.  This is a reminder for me to be a little kinder and gentler to my people.  Hug them a little tighter and enjoy whatever goodness there is to be had--because there is so much good.

T-Bone

The kids dragged my old trombone up from the basement a few weeks back and have been begging me to play it for them.  I told them I would, but I was putting it off.  I was a little nervous since it had been quite some time since I'd played it.  Could I possibly have forgotten how to play the trombone after playing it for 13 years--6th grade through college?

Putting aside the fact that I look like a beast in this picture, I am happy to report that I can still play!!!  I suppose it is like riding a bike-- you never forget.  And it was so fun! While my chops (my lips) were out of shape, my musicality was all there!  Someday when my people are all grown up I think I will need to join the city orchestra or something. 
I explained to the kids that the trombone IS the family instrument.  I played it, my dad played it, his dad played it, and an uncle or two played it, and a couple of cousins played it.  It is a grand and proud instrument.  So who's next?  Who will be the next generation trombone player??

Don't jump up all at once, now.

All right-- Elinor!  You can be the next trombone player.  You do have dark hair like your mama.  And I should tell you that there tend to be a lot of boys in the trombone section!  Not that that would have influenced my decision to play the trombone... but you better believe I didn't even consider the flute!

A Leap of Faith at DI

I took my people to DI the other night for a bit of recreational shopping.  In case you don't know, DI is a really big thrift store.  When I asked if anyone wanted to go to DI with me there was loud cheering and racing to put shoes on.  The girls were looking for Webkinz because they have friends who have greatly increased their collections from DI.  And for the record, my girls did have sucess in finding more stuffed animal webkinz. 

But I took a real leap of faith and bought a puzzle at DI.
I wanted to do a puzzle this weekend, so for $1.50, I purchased this lovely 504 piece, English cottage puzzle.  The reason it is so risky to buy a puzzle at DI is that the puzzle has already been opened and put together.  You have to just hope that the person had the good sense and kindness to put all the pieces back in the box before they gave it away. 

What a cruel joke it would be to purposefully withhold one single piece. 

The sad news is that we never did get to find out if all the pieces were there or not because George reached up and grabbed the puzzle off the table just when it was almost completed.  Dern it!

Oh well.  In a family of lots of little children I suppose one learns to get over such little disappointments.  But now I'll never know if all the pieces were there or not.  How will I know if I can ever trust to buy another puzzle from DI?

While the girls were looking through the masses of once-loved stuffed animals, Cannon found something he could not leave behind. 

Mom:  "Cannon, that is a really cool robot, but he has a broken arm."
Cannon:  "But that's okay."
Mom:  "I don't really want to buy a robot with a broken arm."
Cannon: "Pwease, oh pwease!"
Mom:  "How much is he?... 75 cents.... well, maybe."  (grrr.. I really don't want to buy a robot with a broken arm) "How about ice cream?  Would you rather get the robot or go get ice cream?"
Cannon:  "No, I want to get the robot".
Mom:  "All right.  You can get him."

So we got the robot with the broken arm and he has been treasured each day since.  But the "best" was yet to be!  Clark found where the batteries go and what a joy for Cannon to discover how LOUD the robot with the broken arm is as it flashes bright lights and plays intense techno music. 

May I just say that I am glad to have only paid $.75 for the robot with the broken arm.  To think that some tragic person probably paid $40.00 for the robot before it had a broken arm.

Modest is Hotest

Several Christmases ago, Clark received an encyclopedia of Marvel comic book super-heroes.  For years Clark has poured over the pages and now Cannon totes the very large book around the house and enjoys searching the pages for any super-heroes he recognizes.

But there is a problem.  Exhibit A. 

There are many immodestly attired lady characters.  Me no likey my boys looking at half-clad ladies with their lady parts hanging out all over the place-- even if they are animated. 

So I devised a very inexpensive, not very distracting solution.  Enter the SHARPIE MARKER.  I could sing the praises of the sharpie marker for many reasons, but it is excellent for helping those poor girls to put some clothes on.  

Don't you agree that superhero and non-superhero alike, both feel more comfortable in a good supportive pair of biker shorts?

And this sweet gal forgot to put her shirt on when she left home this morning.  Oh, honey, leave something to the imagination!

That's better.  Now she can focus on her superhero work.

The girls helped me with my Sharpie designs and we decided on this adorable skirt for this powerful chick.   It works for her.

I have happily and without solicitation provided my services as a fashion editor for a few of Clark's D&D books as well.  Just making sure my people know the standards.  No thanks are needed.

A couple of days ago I was driving somewhere with my girls and we noticed two unfortunately dressed young ladies walking down a busy street.  Always on the lookout for teaching moments, I said to my girls that those girls really needed to put some clothes on and they really didn't look very nice dressed like that.  Elinor says back, "Maybe you need to go use your Sharpie marker on them."  

Not a bad idea, Elinor.  

Then today at lunch we were all discussing a General Conference talk by Elaine Dalton about father's protecting and nurturing their daughters.  Abe informed the girls that when they started dating they should know that he would be very involved in getting to know their dates and ask them what their plans were and when they would be home and such.  

I mentioned that Dad would be very concerned with making sure the boys were good enough for his daughters, but that my concern would be the young ladies that Clark wants to spend time with.  Once again, Elinor pointed out that if a young lady shows up for a date or a dance in less than appropriate clothing, Mom will get out her Sharpie and make her more comfortable.  

Motherhood is not a Hobby

"Motherhood is not a hobby to be done in your spare time, it is what God gave you time for."- Neil A. Anderson

This weekend is my church's General Conference.  We get to listen to many talks over the course of two days from a living prophet and apostles as they teach the word of God.  It is marvelous and uplifting and inspiring.  And the above quote was one of my favorites of the day. 

In the spirit of celebrating the joy of motherhood, here are a few joyous moments as of late.

 

What did I tell you?  Although they are horrified to watch me do Zumba, they couldn't resist that Latin beat and they had to join in!

Georgie loves his siblings and regularly reaches for them and then lays his head down on their shoulders and gives them hugs.  You can see why they all quite like him too.  They are working with getting him to stand on his own.  He's now over 14 months--- so it is time.  My Dad hypothesizes that my babies are such late walkers because we hold them too much.  

So what if we do?

 

Georgie enjoyed his first ice cream cone.

 

Wrong end, Georgie!

Faith loved dressing as twins with her cousin Eliza who was visiting from Spokane. 

She was visiting from Spokane because her Aunt was getting married.

Abe and the girls had a grand time at the wedding reception.

Bethany dancing with Uncle Baden (Eliza's dad).

Bethany and Faith keeping warm together at an early morning soccer game.

Elinor's soccer games are actually fun to watch.  Not in an "Oh, how cute those little kids are!" fun kind of way.  But in a "Wow!  This is really exciting, what's going to happen, I hope the other team doesn't score," kind of way.

My Man-Child is growing.  His head now reaches the bridge of my nose.  How much time do I have left before he surpasses me in height?  It was a very emotional game as his coach got ejected after the first five minutes.  Hmmmm.  That's not good.  Now, now boys.  This is just a game.  Let's try to behave ourselves.

Clark is 12 now, so this evening Abe took him downtown to his first Priesthood session.  This makes a mama very happy.

Life Lessons From a Piano Mom

I have scheduled a Christmas piano recital for my sixteen piano students-- four of them being my own little darlings.  I gave out the recital songs about 3 weeks ago and everyone is in the thick of learning fairly challenging songs.  The recital isn't until the beginning of December, but the first weeks of learning a song are just as important as the last couple weeks of polishing the song.
Back in August I got out all my Christmas music, plus a few new books, and took quite some time to find the right song for each student.  One that would definitely challenge them, but not overwhelm them.  Something they would have to work at, but that was in the realm of what they could do.  There were several factors that I took into consideration, but one thing mattered more than anything else.

HOW MUCH THEY PRACTICE.

Piano is on my mind a lot as I teach all these lessons each week and make sure that my own people get their practicing done each day.  And like any good sports fanatic, I think there are some lessons I've learned that can apply to many areas of life.  So here goes.

1.  True talent does exist, but it doesn't matter.
I have taught kids to whom reading the notes and moving their fingers correctly is a real challenge.  And I have taught kids who breeze through the first few weeks of lessons-- it is easy for them.  So I do not doubt that some are more naturally talented with music than others.  But whether it is easy or not, the kids who practice diligently (5 or 6 times a week) are the ones who improve.  Talent can only carry you for about 2 months, after that it's kind of a waste.

2.  Nothing is fun until you are good at it.  I don't mean you have to be an expert, but you have to achieve a certain proficiency before you can enjoy it.  If you quit while it is still really hard, you don't really know if you like it or not.

3.  Consistency is a gift.  The best thing for a child learning to play the piano is for a parent to provide such consistency in requiring practicing that it doesn't even occur to them to fight it.  They are happier in the long run and the short run if they know what is expected of them.  If getting out of practicing is not even an option they can more easily focus their attention on getting the job done rather than thinking of ways to get out of it. 

4.  Slow and steady wins the race.  Playing the piano is a skill that requires practice.  There is no way to learn to play the piano without doing it and doing it frequently.  When a student is beginning a new song I sometimes will assign them the whole song, but more often it will just be a smaller section.  And I tell them to GO SLOW.  "Take your time and make sure you learn it correctly.  When you have it all learned you can go as fast your little fingers can fly.  But until you can do it right, you go slow!" 

5.  What once was hard will become easy.  To me, this is the miracle of piano.  You start a new song that you cannot play.  But as you continue to work on it and train you fingers what to do, sooner than you would have expected, you can now play what days ago you could not.  Miraculous!  You don't have to perform that hard song perfectly the first time you see it.  Work at it and you'll be able to.   

6.  You're not fooling anybody.   I took piano lessons for many years from a numerous host of teachers.  I practiced 1, 2, or 3 times a week and was miserable at my lessons.  I now see that I wasn't the only one miserable at my lessons.  It's not much fun for the teacher when the student doesn't practice because it means you just do a practice session together rather than a lesson.  It's a wonder my parents stuck with piano lessons in the face of my slow progress.  I would show up and try my hardest at my lessons and hope that somehow my teacher would think that I really was giving it my all.  I never realized that I wasn't fooling anyone.  On the contrary, my teachers knew exactly what kind of practicing I was putting in.  

7.   We're all in this together.  The piano bench can be a hard and lonely place, especially if you are a little person.  I teach a few younger children (5-7 year-olds) and I truly enjoy working with the younger kids.  I believe there is value in starting the piano at a young age.  However, for it to be a positive, successful experience, the parents need to sit down with their little person every single time they practice.  Elinor is 8 and is just now beginning to practice by herself, sometimes. 

8.  True learning is a solitary affair.  For young children, company in practice is comforting and necessary.  That is wonderful, to a certain point.  But real learning requires a great deal of concentration and focus.  You may need a guide to point you in the right direction, but no one can walk the path for you. Group think is completely worthless on the piano bench.  You just need to buckle down and put in the time and the effort.     

9.  You reap what you sow.  It is impressive to see a youngster sit down and play a beautiful, flawless piece.  But that 1 to 5 minute performance took hours and hours and hours of practice.  You will get rewards based upon where you put your energies.  Don't expect to have what someone else  has if you don't want to do what they do.

10.  The thinking about it is almost always worse than just doing it.  More than once I have dragged one of my own kicking and screaming children to the piano bench with the command to "PRACTICE NOW!"  There have been tears and declarations of how mean I am and questions as to why I torment my own children.  And then, miraculously, not ten minutes later the child is calmly playing a beautiful piece of music and speaking aloud the words, "Sometimes I think I don't want to practice, but once I start doing it I actually enjoy it."

 These are my life lessons from a piano mom.  I suppose they are basically all variations on a theme of 'practice'.   It has been a great blessing for me to teach so many kids piano lessons.  I have learned so much from them and I enjoy each young person with so many personalities and different learning styles.  It is a thrill for me to try to figure out how their minds work and what motivates them.  Thank you to my students and their families!

Where I've Been

I looked at my blog today and realized I haven't written since Sunday!  I know it's not that long, but I enjoy writing and find it very theraputic, so why haven't I written this week?  Here is what I've been up to instead of blogging:

To begin with there is soccer, football and dance.  Lots and lots of soccer, football, and dance.  Not for myself, mind you.  So much in fact that I don't wish to discuss soccer, football and dance anymore.  Except to say that my children are losing most of their games, but since I don't care--- I don't care.

Next, I usually blog at night after the kids have gone to bed, but we are reading aloud a great book right now, The Giver.  We have been staying up too late to read and then I'm ready for bed with no thought or energy left to blog.

I am just about done nursing George (yippee!) and so there is now space in my mind and schedule to focus some energy on getting into better shape.  Now, this goes against my policy of never announcing publicly that I am going to try to lose weight.  Because then everyone knows and watches to see if you are getting thinner or if in fact you just lack discipline and will power.  Now I'm not in junior high anymore and I know no one is actually looking at me, but still.  I want to lose weight.  There.  I said it.  In the future, please don't ask me how it is going.  The results (if there are any) will be clearly manifest.  And if there are no results, I would rather you didn't remind me of it.

But the point of that whole last paragraph is that I have been doing some extra exercise in the evenings in addition to my morning walking.  It's not just the time that extra exercise takes, but the mental state of mind I must maintain to actually execute it.  I haven't been thinking much about my blog, because I've been focusing my thoughts on how, when, and what I'm going to do for my exercise.

And last, but not least, I have been watching a show in the evenings.  I've mentioned it before, but it is a BBC miniseries called Lark Rise to Candleford that we get on DVD from Netflix.  What can I say?  I love it.  It is charming.  It is clean as a whistle.  It is delightful.  It has beautiful people in it who speak with beautiful accents.  There are love stories and I am way too attached to the characters. One particular story line is very upsetting to me (in a painfully dramatic, first love kind of way) and I cannot get it out of my mind.  I thought about it all during my piano lessons today.

The best part---Abe will watch it with me!!  And he is upstairs right now waiting to watch it with me!!  OH JOY!!!!

Zumba

A good friend recently introduced me to Zumba.  It is a fitness craze, that at its most basic, is aerobic dancing to Latin music.  There is a lot of hip action and shaking of parts that I usually try to keep from flopping about.  It is a lot of fun and energizing and, most importantly, it doesn't feel like torturous boring exercise.  I become a dancer-- and a South American, hip shaking, hottie.

At least that is how I feel.

But apparently, it is very much NOT how I look.  My children are horrified to see me doing Zumba.  Bethany pointed out that my body really wasn't made to do Zumba. Rude.
It is so disturbing to Clark that he cannot be anywhere near me.  I'm pretty sure no 12 year old boy wants to see his mother dancing the salsa, but he keeps saying, "Mom, you really don't  have to do this.  You don't need Zumba in your life."

Yes, I do need Zumba in my life.  Do you see what I do all day, every day?  Oh, yes, I do need Zumba.  Can you give me that?  Can you give me a half an hour here and there to shake my thing and imagine?

Oh, and by the way, children, you should stay away from me or you might see how much fun I'm having and you won't be able to stop yourself and you'll have to join in too.