Thoughts on Homeschool and Family Life

We are getting ready to send our second child out into the world and lately I have enjoyed looking back at her life journey thus far.  A major part of that journey was homeschooling
For whatever, it's worth, here are my top homeschooling tips-- or rather, here are some ideas about homeschooling that I have found helpful.  Most of them are applicable to homeschooling and just family life in general.  It can be useful to see how other people are operating, even if it's only to see what you definitely DON'T want to do:) 


TIP #1:  KEEP IT SIMPLE.   This is the most "nuts and bolts" of all the tips.  Don't require anything more than you can realistically hold them accountable for.  When it's simple, everyone can understand exactly what is required.

Here is a sample planner page from Cannon's planner book this year.  The standing assignment is two math lessons a day,  one spelling lesson a week, two pages of grammar a day, two pages of handwriting, journal writing, weekly reports, science twice a week,  1 1/2 hours of reading a day (45 minutes history/ 45 minutes free choice).  The specifics aren't what is important here.  It is the simplicity of the system.  The kids know what is expected and I can hold them to it. 
There are 42 pages for all the weeks of school (plus a couple extras).  Every week looks just the same.  This is the skeleton of our homeschool-- the structure, if you will.  We flesh it out with projects and outings and interesting tangent learning.  Sometimes the entire week gets checked off perfectly.  That is the goal.  Sometimes somethings are missed.  No matter.  At least the schedule and expectation is clear.  If kids are getting off track I ask to see planners and they know what they are supposed to be doing. 

TIP #2:  THE SOONER THEY CAN WORK INDEPENDENTLY, THE BETTER.  George (3rd grade) still needs one-on-one time with me to get his work done.  Everyone else does almost all of their work on their own.  They are accountable to get it done and I check most of it.  Once a child can read well and has access to great resources, they learn best when they have time and space to think and figure.  And let's be real, if you have several children you are homeschooling, there is only so much time in the day.  And let's be even more real-- they don't want me in their face pestering them all the time.  Tell then what they need to do and give them some space.

TIP #3:  THERE IS NOTHING SACRED ABOUT MY CURRICULUM.  There are lots of great curriculum and there is nothing sacred about any of the resources we've used.  I found many of them years ago and I feel they have served us well.  There are so many options for curriculum in every subject.  Do some research, pick one that you like-- or that someone you trust recommends and give it a go. 
We've used Math-U-See for many years and still use it with the younger kids.  Cannon on up are now using CTC Math and we're really liking it.  We use Spelling workout through 8th grade.  We use Daily Grams for grammar.  We use Universal Publishing Handwriting.  We use Apologia Exploring Creation for science curriculum (I don't entirely love it, but haven't found something I like better).  We pull from lots of different reading lists for literature and history.

TIP #4:   GIVE THEM A CHOICE IN EVERY WAY YOU POSSIBLY CAN.  Once they know what they need to do, let them have the autonomy to decide what order they do it in.  Some people think math "should" be done first.  Maybe it would be best that way.  But if they like slower starts and want to read first, let them.  We homeschooling moms tend to be rather intense and sometimes controlling.  Yes, you know it's true.  Assign the kids how much time they have to read, but let them have a great deal of say in what they read.  If you must (and I must) insist that they have some assigned reading-- at least let them decide what order to read the books.  History can be studied chronologically, but since it's really the lessons of history that we are most interested in, there is no reason it has to be done chronologically.  They are just stories, after all.  What are they interested in?  You can find great history books about every time period.

TIP #5: WRITE BECAUSE YOU HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY.  This one goes along with number 4 and respecting them by giving them choices.  Of course we want them to learn to write and learn to write well.  Don't patronize them with annoying and condescending "writing prompts".  What is the point of writing if you don't have something to say.  We do grammar from 3rd grade through senior year, so I'm a big believer in learning the rules of the language.  We do spelling from 1st grade to 8th grade.  But when it comes to writing,  that is what they have to say and what they have to give.  I rarely criticize or even correct their writing.  If they have to write a talk for church or a speech for their Speech and Debate class they take-- and if they ask for help-- I will totally help them.  They have to find their voice and learn to get it from their head to the paper (or computer).  That takes time and practice.  A few writing "tools" we found useful are journal writing a couple days a week, book reports and weekly reports.  Weekly reports have been the most fun and the older kids have very fond memories of weekly reports.  The idea is that at the end of the week they write a one page report on "something of interest to you".  That's it.  That is the only parameter.  Their chosen topics have been hilarious at times.  No matter.  They research.  They write. They are excited to share.  I am far more interested in helping fill their minds and hearts with something they care about.  When they care about things-- they want to be heard and writing is how that happens.

TIP #6:  READING ALOUD IS THE BEST PART OF THE DAY.   We do miss days from time to time, but family read aloud time it the core of our homeschool.  It usually happens shortly after lunch and the whole thing lasts roughly an hour.  We start with a song, a prayer, a chapter of scriptures, and then everyone settles in for reading aloud.  This is the good part!  We have read so many books over the years.  The rule of reading time-- and I am pretty strict about it even with little ones- is you can do whatever you want, but you have to be quiet and relatively still.  We get out favorite toys, handicrafts, coloring, blocks, Legos, picture books, etc.  Bigger kids often snuggle with little ones.  Sometimes I'll pay a kid a dollar to brush my hair while I read.  It's quite relaxing:)  If you were to ask the older kids and the younger kids, I think there would be a consensus that reading books aloud together has been the best, most enjoyable, most beneficial things we've done in our homeschool. 

TIP #7: YOU CAN ALWAYS DO MORE.  And you could drive yourself absolutely crazy and be constantly and forever dissatisfied with your children and yourself and your house all the time.  Don't do it.  Have a vision of your homeschool and your family.  Know where you want to go and what you hope to accomplish.  Decide what are absolutely the most important things for you.  What must you do to be able to sleep peacefully and not cry yourself to sleep on a regular basis.  Do those things and do them well..  If there is something that you'd like to do-- that would be a thing good--but it isn't critical to your family's and YOUR well-being-- you might have to let it go.  That means if a regular sit down family dinner is a non-negotiable, then you make sure you have time for meal planning and meal preparation.  That means,  you probably won't be able to drive kids around to tons of extracurricular activities in the evening.  If you must have a clean house, your can't realistically expect loads of creative juices spilling out of your children all day.  You must be humble and accept the trade-offs and make peace with your choice.   And these are choices-- not matters of morality.

TIP #8:  YOUR CHILDREN WILL BE DELIGHTFULLY AVERAGE For all of our sometimes neurotic, hysterical, hyperactive parenting-- even our homeschooled children will probably end up delightfully average.  They will deal with many of the same issues as their public school counterparts.  That's because growing up is messy.   The ages and stages are natural and the process is actually quite miraculous!  I'm not suggesting their aren't times where more intervention is necessary, but I've been amazed to watch the journey of children growing into young adults.  Delightfully average young adults:)  Trying to parent from a place of love and acceptance for who they are has been very beneficial to relationships in our family.  Celebrating who they are rather than fearing because they aren't further along the path and fearing they won't ever reach their potential-- it's not helpful or enjoyable.

TIP #9:  PICK YOUR PATH AND WALK IT. When questioned about homeschool many people respond that they are taking it one year at a time and they reevaluate every year.  I think this totally makes sense and is reasonable, and I also suggest this is not totally necessary.  We don't reconsider our choice to homeschool every year.  We tweak the schedule every year.  We refocus our efforts.  Some years we focus more on history, some more on science.  Some years we're more ambitious with our goals and some years it's back to the basics.  Way back when, I did a lot of research and we felt very strongly that homeschooling would be a good thing for our family.  We picked the homeschool path and we consciously decided to confidently walk that path for the long road.  There are some bench mark years when decisions have to be made.  For example, how are we going to handle Junior High?  What is the plan for high school?  Generally speaking, trying to minimize self-doubt and continuing forward even when the end wasn't in sight has been helpful.  I think our kids have benefited from the consistency of the path.  That being said, never say never:)  Situations change and just because you start homeschooling doesn't mean you have to stay homeschooling.  My point is, continual self-doubt is neither virtuous nor helpful.

TIP #10:  IF YOU HAVE A NEED, MAKE IT HAPPEN:  If you have a need for yourself or your children, it is your job and joy to make it happen.  Invite people over, go to a class, form a club, sign up for an activity.  Don't waste any energy being a victim and complaining that you don't have what you need or want.  Be proactive and don't expect anyone else to take care of your needs.  You make it happen.

TIP #11:  STUFF WILL BURY YOU ALIVE.  Leave space in your life and home for the things you really want to do.  The tasks of caring for a house-- the cleaning, the clothing, the organizing-- while they can be very satisfying to do-- can take a lot of time and focus.  I find there are other things I'd much rather spend my time doing.  A regular purging of stuff that no longer serves a valuable purpose can be very liberating and cathartic.  Kids rooms are very easily picked up if they don't have many personal belongings to care for.  Stuff is stuff.  And on that note, when the stuff is left out and the mess happens-- as of course it will-- don't panic.  You have time.  You have all the time you need to clean it up.  Clean laundry won't be offended if it has to sit on the floor for a couple days before it gets folded.  No one is eating out the toilet bowl, so it's not a deal breaker if isn't cleaned as frequently as you'd like.

TIP #12:  FACT: READING IS NOT AS EXCITING AS VIDEO GAMES.  So sorry to say it, but it's true.  If you want kids to read books, practice musical instruments, write stories, play games, invent contraptions, paint, play with blocks, play pretend school (you see the irony, right?), bake, daydream, or every other magnificent, idyllic childhood adventure--- YOU HAVE TO TURN OFF THE SCREENS. The screens are so stimulating.  Their brains love the screens.  In our house we have screens and we use screens and I am not suggesting to take away all screens all the time.  But seriously, know what you are giving up when they are plugged into screens.  If you choose the ease of lots of screen time, you ought not be surprised when they think books are boring.

TIP #13:  MAKE FRIENDS WITH EVERYONE. This is so important when it comes to your actual homeschooling efforts.  You're going to need some help or some expertise from someone, somewhere along the line  You don't have to be good at everything, but you need to know someone who is!  Our fellow homeschooling friends have been an invaluable village in helping to teach our children.  And homeschooling can be very lonely at times.  Especially during the back to school and end of year frenzy on social media.  It is about the nicest thing in the world to have a community of other homeschoolers (for kids and parents) who understand why you do what you do and support and encourage you.
BUT HERE IS AN EVEN MORE IMPORTANT THING--- seriously, make friends with everyone.  Homeschooling does not make you better than anyone or inferior to anyone.  Homeschooling is different, but it's not that different.  There is no badge of honor for homeschooling, nor is there any need for a homeschooling chip on your shoulder. No one is out to get you.  No one is wanting to see you fail.  Sure, some people will think you are weird.  So what?   Some of my closest friends don't homeschool and I adore and respect them.  Some are even school teachers themselves!  You and your children want and need friends and there are likely great kids in your neighborhood, just as there are in mine.  They are probably doing great things in their families as well.  We can all be friends!

TIP #14:  YOU ARE NOT ALONE. My friend Camille reminded me of this.  Homeschool or no homeschool, these are God's children you have in your home.  It is entirely in His interest that they be raised and taught in love.  He knows exactly what they need and what will be best for them far more than you ever could.  So try to listen to him and trust that he'll point you in the right direction.  It has never failed that when I have seen a need arise with one of my children, with some thought and prayer, an idea occurs to me of how to go about helping them.  Every single time with every single child.

TIP #15:  HOMESCHOOLING IS A CHOICE. The choice to homeschool is just that-- A CHOICE.  It's a choice that I really like that I feel has been beneficial for our children individually, for our family as a group and for me personally.  It's a choice, but it's not a religion.  It's not the "right" thing to do.  It's not what "should" be done and it's not the "best" thing.  It is a legitimate educational option-- just like public school, private school, charter school, early college enrollment, etc.  There is more than one way to skin a cat (not that I am condoning skinning cats), and there are many good ways to raise and educate children.  If you want to homeschool (or even if you don't want to homeschool)-- a decision and a choice to do it (or whatever you choose to do) in a positive space and happily makes all the difference.