Sometimes my mind gets too full of thoughts-- not particularly good or bad, happy or sad-- rather my mind just starts racing and my thinking feels jumbled and somewhat out of control. For several years I have found that writing about my thoughts is very helpful. So here they are in no particular order and not of any particular importance--- my thoughts as of late. Not so much complaints, rather just voicing my thoughts so I don't have to continually try to sort through them.
1. Confession: I'm not really enjoying summer. There. I said it. Who doesn't love summer? ME! It is my own doing-- I (we) made choices about where we were going to focus our energies this summer and lots of people in this house are doing really cool stuff and working really hard and growing and learning. Good things are happening, but we are sacrificing a lot of connected family time. The summer calendar is full of morning and night swim practices, all-day long ballet workshops, parades, Newsie rehearsals, piano lessons, girls' camp, Trek, EFY, teenager work schedules, and such. SO MUCH DRIVING. I love watching this kind of personal development in so many family members and to me the sacrifice is worth it. But, I freely admit that I can't wait for the school year to begin in mid-August so we can all be home for a few hours together most days. I probably look forward to the school year like a public school family looks forward to the summer! Last summer we hiked like crazy together and I miss having big windows of time when we could make that happen.
2. Confession: I am missing my big kids something fierce. I'm kind of used to Clark being gone-- I adore talking to him each Monday morning. He is having great experiences and growing in the gospel and our conversations are uplifting and fun and he comes home in December, which will be here in no time. But I am not used to Bethany being gone so much and I am definitely not used to Elinor being gone all the live-long day of the entire freaking summer. Blah.
Bethany works at the pool teaching swim lessons and life-guarding. She is 18 and her has work hours are what they should be. She works hard and a lot. But she is also a lead newsie in the upcoming production of Newsies. (Which, by the way, will be AWESOME and you really must come see it). She has a lot of rehearsals and she has volunteered loads of hours in helping to build the set. She has a hopping social life-- fun dates, great friends, lots of parties and late night outings. All good things and I am genuinely happy to see her enjoying life so much.
I miss her. Blah.
Elinor's situation is WORSE! She is at swim or water polo practice at 5 or 6 every morning for 2 or 3 hours. Then she heads off to work as a nanny for my brother's kids for five hours everyday. Then she heads back to the gym for more swim practice or weights classes. When she does get home she eats and sleeps and texts. So yeah. Part of me is so proud of her hard work and dedication. Part of me wants to scream, "Enough already!" All that is not including water polo camp, EFY, Trek, and a BYU swim camp in August. Okay, seriously-- ENOUGH!! Elinor-- come home to me!!!!
Even Faith, at the tender age of 13, swims morning and night (at least 4 hours a day) and will spend about three weeks total away at camps this summer.
Cannon has a total of six week of ballet workshop that goes from 9 am to 2 pm each day. George is doing six weeks of 2:30-5:00. Cannon spends his evenings at Newsies rehearsals with Bethany. And don't forget Cub Scout day camps for both Cannon and George.
So what all this explanation is leading to is that I am low-key offended that my quite delightful and pleasant mostly-grown (and not-so-grown children) are gone a lot and I am left home with adorable and charming-- but quite needy little ones. So boo-hoo. If you read this and are disgusted, thinking horrible thoughts about my choices or feel that I am bragging or whatever-- feel free to stop reading. I understand that our family is so blessed to have so many wonderful opportunities. If I could go back in time a few months and make different choices about our time this summer, I don't think I'd change anything. I am not complaining-- just processing. There is a big difference.
I thoroughly enjoy the littles, but let me tell you, taking care of littles when you have lots of big ones around to help is WAY BETTER. Not just the helping hands and hearts, but the conversation and joking and laughter really eases the challenges of the meeting all the little needs. So with the big kids gone so much, I am rather lonelier than I am accustomed to being. It's like going back in time to when all the kids were little. Without the regular interaction with older kids, I have found myself needing to reach out and talk with friends. Which I suppose is a very good thing to nurture those relationships.
3. Here's a good thing about this summer: Reading. Lots of reading. Lots of audio books and podcasts as well. Here is a list of a few things I've been enjoying: Where the Crawdads Sing, Silent Souls Weeping, The Power of Vulnerability, The Storyteller's Secret, Living the Parables, Better Than Happy (Jody Moore), The Read Aloud Revival.
4. I have been a nail biter for my entire life. A bad, nasty nail biter. A "hide-my-hands-and-hope-no-one-will-notice-my-beastly-mangled-fingers" kind of compulsive nail biter. But MIRACULOUSLY I have found help. My dear friend, Candice, does beautiful gel nails on me every two weeks or so and I love it more than I thought I would (or perhaps should:). I know it's nothing of eternal significance, but having pretty nails is a simple pleasure in life that I never expected to discover, but am so glad I did.
On a sort of related note, every now and then I'll hear someone make a snarky comment about women who wear fake eyelashes and have their nails done. For the record, in my opinion, there are way bigger fish to fry in this world. If someone enjoys dolling up with fake eyelashes and fancy nails-- well... as Faith would say, "You do you!"
5. I sort of really like Brene Brown. And she sort of annoys the heck out of me. And yet, I keep coming back for more. Can anyone relate?
6. Morning walking-- and sometimes an additional evening walk is one of the chief joys of my life. Occasionally I take Peter and Greta with me. Sometimes I keep up with Peter's endless chatter and stream of consciousness and I respond frequently and quickly. And, truth be told, sometimes I put in my ear buds and completely ignore the children and just walk. Mind you, this does nothing to stem the flow of chatter, but sometimes it makes for a more pleasant walk.
7. Abe and I are re-watching Downton Abby. It is quite lovely. My favorite part of the show? The small sounds effects of the footsteps on the gravel or the hallway, doors opening and closing, whisks in a mixing bowl, clothes rustling. Well, that and the beautiful accents.
8. Abe planted marigolds in planter barrels by the front door for me for Mother's Day. I love them, but they don't seem to be flourishing. And I can't figure out if it's because we are watering them too much or too little. I cannot overemphasize my lack of gardening expertise. Should my family's need for survival depend on my green thumb, things will likely not go well for us.
9. Its late. I really must stop drinking Diet Coke late at night.
10. And on that note, teenager/young adults need to stop coming home so late. #momonthewarpath
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